this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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