I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
