Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
