proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She just used a chaser for red wine.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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