I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
