you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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