just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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