Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the condom got lost in my hair
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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