Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
