I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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