So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
