Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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