I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
