I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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