oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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