and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
