Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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