I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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