Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Barsexuality is the new black.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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