i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
