Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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