I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
