Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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