I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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