I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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