I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
