i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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