So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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