so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
