You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
