party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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