Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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