The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
