A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
