This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
