Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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