i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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