I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
