"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
