im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
