I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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