I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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