it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
