Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
