i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
