never play flip cup with pint glasses
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
