I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
