We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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