my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
