worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
