dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
