don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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