We're like a lot better than the average bears
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
