Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
