You smell like stripper and shame
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
