broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize