ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
