Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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