Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
