I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
