Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
