did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
