Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
