Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
