it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
