you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
