Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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