I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
