I wish you could order shots online.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
