So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
