Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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