my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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