he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
