I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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