Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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