i wish peter jackson would direct porn
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
