I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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