can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
