this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
