I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
