So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
