In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
