I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
