The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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